They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
