Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
