omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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