I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
