An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
