I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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