did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
