it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize