When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
