btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
