im holly from the hills drunk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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