I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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