Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
