Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
