so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
