I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
