I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
should my penis look like a turkey
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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