i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
