I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
