Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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