Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
