So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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