And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
