Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
