I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize