fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
