I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
