i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
