you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
