just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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