I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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