you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
