Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
