i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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