the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
