It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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