There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think my moral compass just broke
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