My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
