I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
