i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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