what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
