I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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