I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize