Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
