just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
