Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
