Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
