I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
