we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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