Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
