it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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