my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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