Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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