Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
