$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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