Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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