Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
