Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
