Where is the hickey?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
