I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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