you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
