My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
