can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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