Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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