I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
