guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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