The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
