I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
