Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
