woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize