so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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