You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize