New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
