can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
